2017 Recap

Winner - TITANS

Winning Captain - Petey


AND STILL World’s #1: ROD

Waveland 3 World’s #1:  El Jefe.  3-peat.

Losing Captain - Nelly

LVP - Kenny (self-nominated)

MVT - Burrows. 3-peat.

LVT - Grady. Also a 3-peat.

DB - Grandpa Jakes. WTF…?

Wrestler of the Year: 10-way tie 

  1. Nelly as Stone Cold Steve Austin
  2. Dug as Mick Foley
  3. Caliento as John Cena
  4. Kenny as Jake the Snake
  5. Koz as Vince McMahon
  6. Seth as The Big Show
  7. G$ as The Million Dollar Man
  8. Casey as Rick Flair (1st non-attendee to win an award)
  9. Stix as Chill Life Chiller
  10. Shimo as Mr. Fuji 

Wrestler MOPE of the Year: 8-way tie for the rest of TFN who didn’t participate

Brother of the week - Komar

The Hasselhoff Award: Komar for his heroic life-saving of a drowning Tall Mike

The NardZZZ Award - Nards

Florist of the Year: Slots & New Florist, Kyle Cassady

1st Annual Recipient of the Steve Burrows Fitness Award:  Malcom

Best Rap Group: TITANS for their “MY HOUSE” performance

MVA (Most Valuable Asian) - Shimo for his Mr. Fuji performance

Best Video in 2017 (and the Greatest Of All Time)  The 2018 Captains Announcement.  Nate Dawg & Chip delivered AGAIN!

Insurance Agent of the Year:  Roy Thomas (15 years running)

East Coast Swing - 1st Team All Americans:  Nelly, Stix, Johnny D, Kirk Liesemer, Bill Matznick, Paul Rudnicke, George Tomecki, Pete Traven, Michael Cremieux

Duck Dynasty Award:  Tie. Yux and Seth

All Injury Team:

  • G$ for his Broken Neck
  • Nate Dawg for his purple bicep

Worst Uber Rating:  Egan

Best Picture: “Sunset NardZZZ”

The Danny Newnan Award (for best night putting):  Barger

The Fruity Vodka Lightweight of the year Award:  Bisaillon 


  • $3000 from Petey’s TITANS to “Spectrios Institute for Low Vision”
  • $1000 from Nelly’s TFN to “K9’s for Warriors”

Lines of the Week

Nardi - “Sometimes I like to jerk off in the toilet lefty”

Barger - “Norm and I once gave a guy CPR. I'm 0 for 1”

Nate- “My dick is not big. But its mine and its fun”

Egan- “I had my first hand job in college on the quad at Wesleyan.  I came on her hand in like 2 seconds”

Smitty - (pick up line to cart girl) “are you wearing two different socks?”

Guts and JC - bet $100 in stripper money

Corn- after team photo. Returning from pool at 4:30. “Hey JC, are matches over?”

Rudman - “Hey thank you for introducing me to this bunch of retards.”

JC - "No problem, you fit in well.”

Dawn- “Uh oh...that’s my boss Mike."

Stix - Picking up mother daughter in closing move. "I want to smear pepper jelly all over your body. Because it is both sweet and hot."

Stix - at strip club with girl he met at W. takes her VIP then asks “Is your butt skin as soft your arm skin.”

Kyle- “If nugent or glavs beat me or rudman than we do shots of crown. We did 5.”

Kenny - “IS that ring on your finger to deter creeps?”  Cart Girl - “No.”

Kenny - “Well, it wouldn't have worked anyways.”

Grady - to Dawn - “You have nice legs.” Dawn: “Well so do you. I love guys that work on legs instead of working on upper body.”

G -to Hotel staff: “I need a room key.”  Hotel staff:  “Sir you were here 4 minutes ago”

Stix - “Why are you naked with your cock out?”

Kenny - "I was having sex with Julie and I fell asleep before I completed"

Burrows: (On the loaded cart girl)  "I saw the skirt from another hole was really excited until I got over there...was very disappointing.”  Seth: "you think that's bad, we lifted up the skirt and there was her 9 inch penis…"

Rod - on hole 15 to JJ "why are you googling how to fix the hooks?"

Stix - at Jaguars. "Man nobody change the world in a place like this." 

Malcom - to B. “What's up Biff.”  Then gave him a Newport menthol to guys that bum cigs. 

Chip - “I have never seen fatter girls at a strip club”

Nate - “What do u think YUX’s pants smell like after 18 holes?”

Girl at door: “You were rude last night.”  Chip: “I’m sorry. Do you want to suck my dick?”

Dudash - “Glavin passed out naked in shower. Tripod did not hold him up.”

MVT Burrows (after seeing Komar's drive) “I would suck a dead dogs Dick to hit a ball like that.”

Malcom:  “What do you think would cause more damage to the green…? Me and Burrows doing jumping jacks…or Dug driving on it.”

Guts:  to Chip - “Your haircut sucked in 1998 and it still sucks now”

Stripper: I'm on my period

Guts: prove it

She did

Malcom: (on being desensitized to porn) That's why I jerk off with a belt around my neck. 

Bisaillon: claims his dick can't fit into a condom. Burrows "what is he trying to fit his balls in too”

Freezer claims Egan is to blame for him getting nominated for douche bag. 

Kenny - “You drink bud light limes and nail fat chicks...don't blame Egan for getting nominated for douche bag"

And the winning LINE OF THE WEEK:

YUX - after shitting his white pants. "I gambled and I lost. You can't win a fart contest if your not willing to shit your pants. The pants are in my golf bag."

Not very “Honorable” Mention:

Dawn: for being the 1st cart girl EVER to be more loaded than any of the fellas & getting fired on the front 9

Iron Mike Award:  Petey for beating the shit out of a garbage can and then threatening B via text...“It’s on”

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